Sharknado
(We start off with the Nostalgiaween 2013 intro, then come to Nostalgia Critic walking by an office until a paper ball hits him. Inside the room is Cinema Snob throwing another paper ball onto the floor.) NC: Cinema Snob, the hell are you doing here? CS: Christ, I need your help with something. NC: Me? You need my help? The great and cynical Cinema Snob actually needs my help? CS: Not really, I'm just following the orders you have on your script. (holding up the episode's script) NC: Okay okay, what do you need? CS: It's this damn Sharknado movie. NC: Sharknado? CS: Yeah. (Clips of the movie are shown) CS (vo): Everybody's been talking about it since they announced its premiere on SyFy, especially with its sequel coming out. It's all over Twitter, Facebook, hell, there's even cosplays of it at conventions. (two people are shown dressed as Sharknados) It's like this underground phenomenon. NC: Well, okay, what about it? CS: Well there's obviously only one reason a piece of shit like this would become a big hit. NC: The magical star power of John Heard? CS: The name, and my thought is if I could come up with a name that combines just as much epic testosterone filled bullshit, then I can make a bundle, too. The only problem is I haven't found the right combo yet. (NC pulls up a chair and sits down) NC: Well, what have you got? CS: *sigh* Let's see, Tankasaurus, Chainsawquake, and Transformer Zombies. NC: Hmm, that's not bad. But everybody's combining two things. If you really wanna push it to the next level, you do three. Like...(said picture is shown) Werewolf Lightning Ninjas. CS: Hm. (Another picture shown) Cannibal Spider Nazis. NC: (Another picture)'' Nuclear Amish Holocaust''. CS: (Another picture!) Cancer Beating Robo-Snakes'.''' NC: (Another picture) ''Gun Testicaled Vampirates. CS: (One more picture)'' A Chocolate Cthulhu Christmas''. NC: Wait a minute. This can't be the only reason this movie is a hit. There has to be something outside of the name that actually draws people to it. CS: I'd like to see you find it. NC: Well, why don't we take a look? Why don't we see why the people of the internet are blown away by Sharknado? What do you say? CS: (leans back in his chair) Godzilla Vampire Bots. NC: This is Sharknado. NC (vo): So, the movie doesn't waste any time giving us what we want, as we see tons of sharks are swimming away from the storm of the century. CS (vo): Don't you feel safe knowing that the coast has millions of sharks in one location at any time? NC (vo): Maybe they're on their way to buy Grand Theft Auto V. (The waterspout starts picking up sharks in the water, forming the titular Sharknado.) CS (vo): We come across a boat of finners who are skinning the most realistic sharks you'll see in this movie as the captain of the boat gives his financier a bowl of fuck-you soup. Palmer: It's good. Not great. (The captain frowns.) NC: I can't believe he doesn't love my grandma's good-but-not-great soup! Palmer: My associates and I are willing to negotiate a...reasonable price. Say a hundred thousand. Santiago: (smacking the table) One million for the entire take. CS (vo, as the captain): Or my accent will get sillier. (The boat suddenly shakes violently.) Palmer: The hell was that? Santiago: They're called waves. They do that from time to time. NC: Think of it as a waykakaw. NC (vo): But Antonio Banbarrassment must postpone his negotiations as he's being attacked by the Great Comeuppance Storm of 2013. (One of the crew members is eaten as the captain comes up.) CS (vo): Oh come on, Pac-Man doesn't eat people that fast! (Sharks fly past the captain, biting off pieces of his face before one takes his head off as we go to scenes of sunny California.) CS (vo): And that's the last you'll see of this sharknado for another hour. NC (vo): What? CS (vo): Yeah, Sharknado, ironically, has very little sharknado in it. NC (vo): Well then, why the hell am I watching it? CS (vo): Oh don't worry, it's followed by the second most epic thing you could imagine. NC (vo): Yeah, what's that? CS (vo): Tara Reid's credit. (Cue Foamy Guy!) NC (vo): We see the leftover b-footage from Piranha 3D as the local beach is preparing for Hurricane Plot Point to arrive. George: Hey I got some moves, you know. (He reaches for Nova, who shoos his hand away.) Nova: Hey, what did I tell you? You can touch everything in this bar except for me. (And she knocks his drink over.) George: Hey! NC (vo): This is Nova, a waitress who apparently (pointing out the scar on her thigh) got headbutted by a Klingon. CS (vo): And this is George, played by John Heard, or rather, the leftover audio of Krusty's belches. George: Hey, I'm not judging you, darlin'./If you're an angel, I must be in heaven./He gives you a look and you give him a nip./I'm not gonna have any place to drink. (Clips from the Simpsons) Krusty: Ugh, I'll never get my aim back./Heh heh heh. Oy. NC (vo): But sure enough, sharks start attacking in water much too shallow for them to swim in and start munching people up. (People start running away from the beach. One guy running up the stairs gets pushed off the rail.) NC (vo): Dude, what's with the random-pushing-guy-off-stairs thing? CS (vo): Maybe he was a shark spy. (More people are running off the beach. One guy's leg is bit off.) NC (vo, as the guy): Help, I accidentally buried my leg in the sand and nobody thinks it's funny! Nova: What were you thinking? You could've been killed! Fin: I'm fine. CS (vo): Nova runs into her friends, Fin and Baz, (a shark biting on Baz's leg is shown) who suffered a shark gnawing for half a minute, and yet his wound looks like a ketchup packet got burst by a rake. Fin: Sharks don't like vegemite. Baz: It's not funny! (Nova looks out to the sea until Fin gets her attention.) Fin: Hey, you gonna be okay? NC (vo): Is SHE gonna be okay? NC: Did they just miss the guy who was bit by a fucking shark? CS: Well, medical emergencies are based on how good the victims look in a bikini. NC (vo): Fin and Baz are sharing their story when Nova seems to overstep her boundaries a bit. Nova: (hugging Fin) I'm just happy you're okay. Fin: Hey hey, what are you doing? Nova: What, do you think you're too old for me? Fin: No, I'm your boss. Nova: So? Fin: So, go get back to work! (Nova turns off in a huff.) George: Daddy issues. Hey, I'm not judging you, darlin'. I have daddy issues, too. NC (vo): You know, you think John Heard was actually cast for this movie or did they just happen to come across him at the bar and they just put him in? CS (vo): Hell, I just assumed he just came along with any b-movie production. (Cut to Malcolm Ray on the phone) Malcolm: So what can I get with the Gold B-Movie Package? (On the phone is CS.) CS: Well you get the special effects team who did Ghost Shark, a guaranteed sequel no matter how bad it is, and for no additional charge, we'll throw in John Heard. Malcolm: And what about the Silver Package? CS: Well, you get the leftover CG effects from ReBoot, a direct to dvd release, and a cameo by Billy Zane. Malcolm: Hmm... And what about the Bronze Package? CS: Gary Busey. Malcolm: (shudders in disgust) I'll take the Gold Package. CS: Excellent choice, sir. NC (vo): But an upcoming hurricane that FEMA declares a Category Fuck gets Fin concerned about his ex-wife, played by Tara Reid. Fin: April, it's Fin! April: Yeah Fin, I hear your voice, what do you want? Fin: I'm just calling to make su--when did you go back to using Wexler again? George: Heh heh. April: That's my name. Look Fin, I'm really busy-- NC (vo): (as April) I'm busy walking past pictures of myself and getting ready to go to NewFOUNDland, so unless this is about Uwe Boll's birthday, I'm not interested. News reporter: Hurricane David is poised to be the first hurricane in the state of California while widespread flooding is expected, and experts are saying global warming is the reason for this unprecedented event. (Suddenly, sharks bust in through the windows.) CS (vo): Flying sharks, on the other hand, is due to shitty writing. (A woman backs away from a shark until Nova stabs it to death with a pool cue.) NC: Now that's what I like to call...a dead ball shot. (YYYEAAAAAHHHH!! NC and CS put on shades, then stand up.) CS (vo): Seeing how none of the sharks are adhering to the no shirt no service sign, they figure this is bad for business and try to head out. (A large wave crashes over the boardwalk.) NC (vo): What is this, "When Disney Animation Attacks?" CS (vo): I'm just trying to figure out why it's cloudy and storming in half the shots, then sunny and pleasant on the other half. (A shark thrashes trying to get to Nova who's frozen with fear, even with a shotgun. George comes up and smacks it away with his barstool.) NC (vo): Well, you just witnessed the most embarrassing moment of your life. CS (vo): For the chick or the shark? NC (vo): Pick one. (The ferris wheel comes loose and begins rolling down the boardwalk as people run away.) CS (vo): Oh yeah, how would you like to be in a movie called Sharknado and it's the fucking ferris wheel that kills you off? (One such guy ends up getting squished by it.) NC (vo): (as guy) At the very least I'm calling you Ferriswheelnado! (The ferris wheel then crashes into a building.) CS (vo): So seeing how now today's a day off, they decide to check on Fin's ex-wife and kid. Fin: I'm really worried about Claudia and April. I gotta check on them. Nova: Who's Claudia? Baz: His daughter. Nova: You have an ex-wife and a daughter? NC (vo): (As Nova) As your employee who you have no romantic obligations to, I am very disturbed by this. Nova: I wanna go with you. (The streets are flooded as sharks swim in them.) CS (vo): Even the streets are no longer safe as the water continues to rise. Nova: What the hell? There's sharks in the streets! (Nova loads a shell into the shotgun.) Fin: Hey whoa, hold up with the guns. We don't need any more blood in the water. CS (vo): Yeah, if a shark comes up to you planning to eat your guts out, just say you're gonna tell on his parents. (Sharks now ram the car they're in.) NC (vo): But too many hit and swims start to take place as our heroes try to get out and help some of the people. Fin: Everyone needs to get to higher ground! (People are running for higher ground while a woman is trying to open the doors of her car to get her dog out.) Woman: Somebody help me! Help me get my dog out! NC (vo): (as George) This looks like a job for my fighting stool! (George uses his stool to break one of the windows and unlock the door for the dog to get out.) Voice: Boomer will eeeehhhhh... I did a "Zuul Mother Fucker" in the Last Review. That should tide you over. CS (vo): But alas, the rest of our movie must go unHeard. (Suddenly a wave crashes over and the sharks get George.) CS (vo): Tell Tom Hanks I said, "I don't get it." (Fin hugs Nova after George's death. NC and CS are also crying.) CS: (crying) We didn't even get to make a Home Alone joke. NC (vo): Our heroes press on and make it to Tara's house and force their way in. April: I told you not to come! Go away! And take your little stripper friend and Baz and leave! (Suddenly a manhole bursts open as a shark comes out.) Shark: Whoa! Teenage Mutant Ninja--(it gets shot by Nova) Ow! Bitch! Fin: Nice shot! Nova: By the way, I'm not a stripper! CS (vo): They of course come across her jackass boyfriend and her...kinda jackass daughter. Claudia: I'm not going anywhere with you. Just leave. Fin: I didn't come here to argue, I came here to get you. Claudia: I don't care! Colin: What is all the ruckus? (he sees Fin) Aw, Shepherd! NC (vo): (as Colin) I was off to play the villain in Titanic 2! Colin: April is mine. April: Excuse me? Colin, don't be rude! NC: Yeah, why can't you be more like me, trying to force them out of the house? Nova: There are sharks flooding the streets. (A shark is seen swimming outside.) And now there's one swimming in your pool. Colin: Are you kidding me? Sharks in the swimming pool? That's impossi--Aaah! (He opens the window and of course gets eaten.) CS (vo): Oh no, the Shepherd's really gonna hit the fan! (The group try to hold the shark back with a wooden table. The shoddy CGI is shown when the shark comes out of the water, which Nova shoots dead.) NC (vo): Okay, when the effects in this movie are less impressive than the (clip of Third Rock from the Sun) shark hand puppet in Third Rock from the Sun, you know someone needs a bigger budget. Claudia: We have to go to Van Nuys to get Matt. Matt's in flight school there. Fin: I thought he was vacationing in Tampa with his buddies. Nova: Who's Matt? Claudia: My brother. Nova: You have a son, too? CS (vo): (as Nova) Okay, are we not in a relationship or really not in a relationship? (The house soon floods over as the car pulls out of the driveway.) Nova: Go, go! (The house soon crumbles apart down the hill.) CS: Ooh, they gotta have sharknado insurance. CS (vo): They decide to make their way to where his son is but of course, more trouble comes along. April: We have to go get Matt. Fin: Don't you see that? (A school bus is stuck.) There could be kids in there. April: There's no one in there, and your kid is right here. We have to get her somewhere safe. This is so typical of you, Fin. You care more about other people than you do your own family. NC (vo): You know Tara, I'm aware you're in a movie called Sharknado and you're not gonna use your A material, but can you at the very least muster up a D-minus performance? (CS is a director talking to Tara Reid, played by Rachel Tietz.) Director: Now Tara, I know that you're trying to convey an actual human emotion, but I swear to Christ that if you don't get this right, I am gonna replace you with a lamp. Tara: (wooden) I understand. Director: Just try to convince me that you're not an alien and we can get through this and call it a night, okay? Tara: Got it. (she takes out her phone) Let me call my acting coach. To help me out. Director: Whatever you need. Tara: (she dials on the phone, voice now robotic) Commander, the humans are on to me. They do not believe I am one of them. (The Commander is Kristen Stewart, her voice also robotic.) Kristen: (also played by Rachel) Do not fear, Lieutenant. Our mission to extinguish humanity through shitty movies is nearly at an end. (She's reading a script for Stephanie Meyer's Caligula: A Fistful of Sparkles.) If they start to suspect anything, just draw emphasis to a part you haven't drawn empasis to yet. Tara: I am running out of those, but I will do my best. (On the set with him is Rob Walker holding a boom mic and Jim Jarosz.) Director: Alright, you ready, Tara? Tara: (normal voice) Yes. Director: Action. Tara: (wooden) Oh no, a sharknado. (She turns around and pulls her hair off to the side, showing the back of her neck.) Director: Cut! Well she's awful, but she's got a damn good back of the neck. On with the next scene. (Tara smiles as we go to commercial) (We come back from commercial) CS (vo): Our group of idiots come across another group of idiots and decide it's best to help them out. Fin: Water's rising. I'm gonna drive up to the bridge and rappel down. April. Fin, this is crazy. NC (vo): You know, I have to side with Fin here. I mean, what is he supposed to do, let all the children in the bus be eaten alive by sharks and/or drown to death? (Quick clip from Man of Steel) Pa Kent: Maybe. (The kids are climbing the rope up to the bridge.) CS (vo): Just when the kids think there was finally a reason to climb that damn rope in gym class, it seems that Hollywood itself is trying to stop this movie. (Robbie the bus driver is dodging letters from the Hollywood sign as they fly past him.) NC (vo): (as Robbie) Stop lingering on me, camera. Don't you know that means I'm gonna die? Fin: You okay? Robbie: My mom always told me Hollywood would kill me. (And one of those letters squishes him.) CS (vo): (As Robbie) But I always thought the part about her saying the sign and not the metaphor was especially confusing. Until now. NC (vo): The hurricane continues to fling sharks across Hollywood... (Poster for...) CS: Sharks Across Hollywood. That's not bad. Write that one down. (NC writes it down.) NC (vo): And sure enough, our heroes fall victim to their flying ways. (Thumps are heard on the roof of the car until a shark bites a hole through it.) Shark: Candygram, asshole! (Fin tries to push it away with a bat.) CS (vo): Jesus, how hungry are these things? In all shows I've seen about sharks, I've never seen one that said they constantly want to eat everything put in front of them like Cookie Monster. Nova: Fin, hold the wheel! Hold the wheel! (Nova gets her shotgun out and shoots the shark off.) Shark: Aah! All I did was confuse you for a seal. Baz: Man, I smell gas. Fin: I do, too. Get out of the car, get out of the car! (Everyone gets out of the car and runs.) NC (vo): But a gas leak occurs inside the car, and you know what that means. CS (vo): They need more gas? NC (vo): Nope. It blows up. We don't even see the spark that sets it off, it just randomly blows up. CS (vo): Oh, I forgot. In crappy movies, gasoline is the nitroglycerine of sensitive liquids. (Malcolm is shown carrying a gas can to his car. He opens it, takes the cap off, and before he can even get near the car, it blows up!) NC (vo): Thus, they need a new car and thankfully, a lot of famous movie studio cars are right across the way. So, what famous vehicle do they end up driving? (They're now cruising down the street in an SUV) This piece of shit that wasn't in anything. Oh come on, you had that setup and you don't even take advantage of it? How cool would it be if they were driving around in (pictures of) Ecto-1, or the Batmobile, or the Shit-On-Johnny-Yong-Bosch van? Hell, this movie would have been a fuckton better if they got to ride around in the (clips of) Knight Rider car. Oh my god, how amazing would it be if they rode in KITT from Knight Rider? (Doug, Rachel and Brad are in the car.) Rachel: KITT, we need your logic and deductive reasoning to help us out. KITT: (voiced by Malcolm) Of course. What seems to be the problem? Brad: There's a sharknado chasing us. KITT: No, really, what seems to be the problem? Brad: I told you, there's a sharknado. KITT: I'm being serious, what is it? Rachel: It really is a sharknado. KITT: You're not going to tell me, are you? Doug: No, seriously, without any hint of sarcasm, there is a tornado filled with sharks and it's trying to kill us. KITT: You know, if you guys aren't going to take this seriously, I'm just going to shut off. (The car then shuts down in the middle of the street. The sharknado comes in and flings the car up into the air where it falls a couple blocks over, blowing up.) NC (vo): They make it to the location of Fin's son, but sadly, it doesn't take much time for our unnatural disaster to catch up with them. (Suddenly a burst of wind sucks someone up through the window.) NC (vo) Sheesh, was that the wind that took her out or a photoshop arrow? (The scene is replayed, this time with a cursor over the woman as she flies out.) CS (vo): The team's decided that this has gone on far enough. Ironic, because the sharknado has literally just arrived. So they figure out a way to stop it. Matt: Bombs. Nova: Bombs? Matt: Instead of letting live sharks rain down on people, we're gonna get into that chopper and throw bombs into the tornados. NC (vo): Wait a minute, are they literally talking about blowing up the sharknado? Fin: Your son wants to go into a helicopter and drop a bomb into the tornado. Matt: Blasting those bastards to bits. CS: I say we take a baseball bat and break that sharknado's knees. Well, worked in (poster of) Jaws 5, didn't it? Nova: But how is that gonna stop a tornado? Baz: Tornados happen when cold and warm air meet. Now if you drop a bomb here right into the middle of it, it might just equalize it. NC (vo): You do know that this science that you've been listening to in Dexter's Lab(oratory) is not real science, don't you? (Clip from Dexter's Laboratory) Dexter: (voiced by Rachel) Dee Dee, I'm surprised how little you know about sharknado science. CS (vo): Almost surprisingly, this move does attempt to throw in some character development scenes, or at least that's what I think they're calling these moments. Claudia: Look, what are you and mom doing? You guys can rarely stand to be in a room together for five minutes and now, what, cause you're saving Matt, you guys are best friends again? Fin: He is my son. Claudia: I'm your daughter. You guys are always there for him but you're never there for me. Fin: You don't think I try? Claudia: Not hard enough. Fin: I came for you first. Try to remember that. NC: The important thing is I like one of you more than the other. CS: And admitting that makes me a better parent. (Nova and Matt are working on the bombs when he notices the scars on her thigh. She catches him looking and tries to cover it.) CS (vo): Ooh, I've always had a thing for french fries stuck on a woman's legs. Nova: I don't like to talk about it. NC (vo): Oh, well if the pain's too deep for you, I in no way will do any coaxing whatsoe-- Nova: I was raised by my grandparents. NC (vo): Okay... Nova: When I was 7, my grandpa took me fishing on one of those day charter deals with his friends. Suddenly all these sharks just started swarming and...and then they...tried to protect me, but by morning, they were all gone. NC (vo): You know, do we really need a reason to hate sharks in this movie? I mean, they're giant killing machines who eat people. I don't think we especially need to make this personal. Nova: Six people went into the water, and one little girl came out. CS (vo): And that's how I found out there was no Shark Santa Claus. Nova: They took my grandfather. It's why I really hate sharks. Matt: Now I really hate sharks, too. (NC and CS laugh at that statement.) NC: Thanks for that ingenious insight! CS: As if falling from the sky and eating people wasn't enough, well now they attacked your dad's kinda-sorta-but-not-really girlfriend? NC: Yeah, isn't that saying you hate Osama Bin Laden after 9/11, but after you found out he didn't feed his cat? CS: Oh now I really hate him! NC (vo): So the quest is on to fly into the shaknados, there being three now because hey, one wasn't enough to bring people in, and just like they said before, they look to blow it up. (Fin, April and Claudia look up at the chopper going into the sharknado.) Nova: Look out, more sharks! (Fin shoots down one of the sharks near the chopper with just a pistol.) NC (vo): Holy shit, you can take down a fly on Mars with that kind of firepower! (The Duck Hunt dog comes out holding a shark.) Matt: Three! (Nova throws a bomb into the sharknado, dissipating it.) Nova: I did it! Matt: Told ya! CS (vo): Okay, I'm not gonna act like I'm a sharknado expert, and I pray to Lord God that there is no such thing as a sharknado expert, but I'm gonna call bullshit on the scientific data that concludes that you can fucking blow up wind! NC (vo): Yeah, I don't know. I think even Mythbusters would have a hard time proving this one. (The Mythbusters logo pops up before we come to Adam Savage (played by Doug Walker) and Jamie Hyneman (played by Brad Jones).) Adam: Boy oh boy, do we have a myth for you! Jamie: Wait till you get a load of this one. Adam: We're gonna see if we can blow up a tornado filled with sharks. A sharknado, if you will! Jamie: I'm way too sober for this, so why don't I take a shot while we cut to a random hot chick and her team? (Cut to Rachel Tietz as Kari Byron, Jim Jarsoz as Grant Imahara, and Rob as Tory Belleci.) Kari: Well, whatever we're working on is never as impressive as what you're working on, so let's cut back to you. (Jamie is holding a bottle of Feckin Irish Whiskey.) Jamie: That's better. Adam: So Jamie, what did we learn today? Jamie: That if two people can survive a tornado (poster of Twister) strapped to a drainage pipe with leather belts, anything is possible. Adam: So once again, this hour of your life was... (a graphic saying A WASTE OF TIME pops up) a waste of time. Jamie: Why aren't you watching Storage Wars? Adam: A&E. NC (vo): So just as the first sharknado is blown apart, sharks start landing everywhere, resulting in probably the silliest thing you're gonna see all week. (Fin revs up a chainsaw and uses it to slice a flying shark in half. Both NC and CS are cheering.) NC and CS: Whooaaa! NC: Let's see that again on the Stupidly Awesomely Stupid Cam. (I'M A MOTHERFUCKING T-REX!) CS (vo): And to think somewhere out there, there's a person reading. What a fucking loser. (I'M A MOTHERFUCKING T-REX!) NC (vo): They take out the second one as well, resulting in the sharks landing at the old folks home. (Sharks fall into a swimming pool where two people are.) CS (vo): Well, now they're falling into a chlorine filled pool, this'll probably take care of itself. (Fin pours gasoline into the pool.) NC (vo): No! The sharks were the only ones to visit us in years! (Fin sets a matchbook on fire, tosses it in the pool, then dives into the nursing home as the pool blows up.) NC (vo): Um... (Mythbusters logo) Adam: Hey Jamie, a lot of people have been wondering, "is it possible to set water on fire?" Jamie: Who the hell is wondering that? Adam: Let's check in with a random hot chick. Kari: Um, I have a PhD, you know? Jamie: Whatever. Just say some puns. Kari: Um...now we're really in hot water! Jamie: I'm gonna go kill myself in my trailer. CS (vo): They arrive at the last one and get ready to toss in the final bomb. Say, what does the inside of a sharknado look like anyway? (One of the sharks flies over and turns into the Wicked Witch and laughing.) (At the retirement home, Fin watches the chopper with the old folks.) Old woman: Who is that up there? Fin: It's my son. Old woman: You must be so proud. NC (vo): (as Fin) Honestly, I went for my daughter first. Nova: Oh my god! (a shark clamps onto the chopper) CS (vo): But a shark latches onto the helicopter and, heh heh, get a load of this. Nova: Die! (She slides off the helicopter when a shark eats her in mid-air. NC and CS break out laughing.) NC: Not even in the best played game of Tetris of all things fall that perfectly into place! (The scene is shown again.) NC (vo): Yoink! Look, even the son shouting no is kind of laughing a bit. Matt: Noo ho ho! NC and CS: Noooo! NC: It is kinda funny. CS: If you can't laugh at the little things. NC (vo) So Fin..."Fin"ishes the job by driving the last bomb into it. This results in one last shark coming down towards him. (As the shark comes down, Fin revs up his chainsaw and jumps into its mouth.) CS (vo): (as Fin) Logic of Itchy & Scratchy cartoons, don't fail me now! (Blood is gushing out of the shark as Fin's chainsaw bursts through, soon Fin coming out. He reaches into the hole he climbed out of and pulls Nova out, miraculously unharmed. NC and CS are not pleased, booing and throwing paper balls at it.) CS (vo): Oh hey, look who else I found in here! Jimmy Hoffa, Amelia Earhart, and my missing left sock! This shark has everything! Matt: Oh, my god! Nova: I really...hate sharks. NC (vo): So the sharknados are destroyed, (April and Fin kiss) these two are back together for no reason, and the world lives happily ever after the stupidest thing they've ever seen in their entire lives. (The end card says fin on it, making NC and CS boo again.) CS: That's a whole lot of boo! NC: Guys, do we even need to sum up this movie? NC (vo): If you're even remotely interested in seeing a film with a title as stupid as this, you're pretty much gonna get what you expect. It's lame, it's crazy, it's completely over-the-top. What else can you say? It's called Sharknado. NC: So, with that said, Cinema Snob, do you really think the success of this movie came purely just from the title alone? CS: (leans back in his chair) Grim Reaper Motorcycle Manslaughter 9000. NC: Grand Theft Wizards X. CS: Cannibal Confederates vs. Amazon Girls--wait, did I make that movie? NC: BEYOND Cannibal Confederates vs. Amazon Girls A Go. CS: Popular Meme vs. Other Popular Meme. NC: Bruce Campbell vs. Himself. (suddenly his phone's alarm rings) Aw hell, you're not gonna believe this. According to my Shitty Movie Alert... CS: Hey, that's a good app. NC: Isn't it? I really enjoy it. SyFy is releasing all the titles we just named here! CS: Great. Well how else are we gonna exploit our extreme marketing crappy ideas? (The door opens and it's Kari.) Kari: Hi, uh, they fired me from Mythbusters. Do you guys need any help around here? (The two look at each other a bit. Next scene, the three of them are looking over a binder marked "Extreme Marketing for Women," a whiteboard filled with ideas on the back.) NC: Blueberry T Fairy Yummy Kitten Rainbows. CS: Unicorn Sparkle Poofy Muffin Easy-bake Oven Word Salad. Kari: Cuddly Castle of Cheerleading Cannibals? NC: Wait, doesn't that go against the whole cutesy, feminine thing? Kari: Well that's the great thing about extreme marketing for the female demographic is that so many options have opened up. Like...(the board has Female Demographics on it with said names written) cutesy, dark, innocent, edgy, strong, stay at home mother, neuro-dermo-bio-surgeon or all of the above. CS: Wow. Kari: So what about extreme marketing for the male demographic. NC: Oh, we got a lot of stuff. We can be manly... CS: And that's about it. NC: Yeah. Kari: Well let's just keep working on this one. NC: Yeah. (The credits roll on while they continue putting out ideas) Kari: Iron Twinkle Robo Princess Mega Saga. NC: Toot Toot Tara 2: Toot Toot Boogaloo. CS: Powerpuff Suicide Girls: Based on the novel by Sapphire. Kari: Glitter Death Makeover: New Moon. NC: Blood Petunia of Polka Dot Hell. CS: Black & White: The Final Days of Rainbow Brite. Kari: Pink Thunder. NC: Sophia Coppola and Robert Rodriguez Present Pink Thunder. CS: With special guest director Quentin Tarantino. Kari: Vidal Sassoon's Choice. CS: Turkish Pippi Longstocking. NC: Bridezilla vs. Godzilla. On Ice. (Kari and CS ooh) CS: It has potential there. (Channel Awesome logo) Colin: Aw, Shepherd! Category:Content Category:Guides Category:The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts Category:Nostalgia Critic Category:Cinema Snob Category:Nostalgia-Ween Category:Transcripts